Monday, March 29, 2010

Miss New Booty

Whenever I see someone wearing something particularly offensive, I tend to get overly-exited and become desperate to take a photograph of them. I'm just weird like that. Under most circumstances, it would be socially unacceptable for me to approach them and say, “Boy, your pants are pretty hideous and you look like hell. Can I snap a photo of you and your poor husband?” I’ve pondered showering them in compliments and telling them they look great, claiming I want to take a picture because I’m in love with what they’re wearing. But I think that’s a bit obvious. And my poker face is certainly not up to par. So I'll have to learn to go incognito...

The other night, when returning to put coins in my meter while watching my friend Jillian play at World CafĂ©, I was stuck behind these two bozos at a crosswalk and I just had to snap a shot. I got up as close as I could to get a picture of this woman’s bedazzled (saggy) ass and was fortunate enough to get this shot. When the photo finally registered on my iPhone (it takes forever), I yelled out “Yes!” at which point the lady turned around and gave me a nasty glare. Sorry biatch, you deserved it for wearing those pants. Bebe’s a no-no, especially when advertised in plastic rhinestones on your ass.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

With All Due Respect...

I felt a little funny railing on the vagina/ballsack piece yesterday without knowing anything about the artist who created it, Mark Grotjahn, or his body of work. So I decided to look him up and educate myself a bit. A friend (who agrees with me that his paintings tend to be nasty) mentioned that his drawings were nice. And I gotta say... I agree. So a tip of the hat to you Mark... this one ain't so bad. (Although it does remind me slightly of the relentless perspective drawings of a road going off into the distance that they used to make us do in highschool art class... except with pretty colors.)

Friday, March 26, 2010

"Douscha" of the Day

Now if this thing isn't an eyesore, I'm not sure what is! Maybe I'm missing something... but this painting is certainly unworthy of a human's effort to hang it's heavy ass on the wall. (And yes, I know my photography is equally as atrocious, but I needed to snap a quick iPhone picture of it while I dodged the crowd at this Blum & Poe opening. A crowd which, by the way, consisted of a bunch of complete douchebags dressed to the nines and women who couldn't walk in their heels, and get this... no one was even looking at the art!!! Except of course the poor woman I caught looking at this piece. I'm guessing she ran off to the bathroom immediately after to throw up.)

Calling all collectors and patrons! Notice the strategic juxtaposition of the three gaping vaginas with the stunningly proportioned ballsack off to the right. A wise choice to say the least... Compositionally exquisite!!! Nice work............................. ... ...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

"Douscha" of the Day

This daily posting will be dedicated to a single, delightful work of art, most likely an atrocity, that I will lovingly share with the world. {In case you’re not in the super-cool, inner circle, Douscha is a playful nickname my friends and I have given to my father Ruscha. Get it?? HAHA Take note of the fact that it does not imply that my father is any way, shape, or form a douche, cuz he’s not.}

And now on to the below image…

Lord Almighty! Check out this hunk o’ canvas!! A stunning portrait copied right out of Playboy Magazine! Apparently the artist left off the head and some creeper came along and added one in… the oversized head of a Cindy- Loo-Who (on crack) might I add. (You know, the Who’s in Whoville.) Nightmares, anyone? This one’s going right next to my desk so I can stare at it longingly while I try to accomplish something. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Morning Hike

So my friends and I went on a hike yesterday morning and I encountered some very beautiful things along the way. I feel like my eye is drawn to the strangest things... a crispy lizard mashed by a bike, a strange apparatus (that looks very sexual to me, but then again, what doesn't?), and this rusty old ladder in front of a graffiti-laden wall. Meanwhile my friends were marveling over the pretty spring flowers... "Look you guys! Some coyote dung!"Boy do I love having a demented brain.

Here I Go...

For the longest time, I can honestly say I had no idea what a “blog” even was. “Go check out my blog!” Go check out your what? Sorry, I have a life... Then one day I read about the Sartorialist, a site I became instantly hooked to. This led to me encountering other blogs, mostly design related. But nobody had anything terribly interesting to say... just a few pretty pictures to post.

My friend Erik and I used to break into fits of hysterical laughter over one blog in particular, started by a self-obsessed, wannabe hipster we know through mutual friends. The blog in question features daily postings describing the endless, obnoxious parties he attends, below which are contrived, "distraught" fashion-editorial-esque poses taken with his slue of star-fucker friends. I always wondered… who gives a flying fuck what this guy is doing? Is this a joke? It has to be! And this got me thinking… If peole are willing to read this nonsense, I can surely contribute something far more interesting to the blogosphere. So here goes nothin’ folks... Hold onto your hats, because I say what's on my miiiinnnddd.